Divorce and Remarriage

I personally grew up in a traditional family system. My biological mom and dad, had and raised 11 children. I knew several classmates and friends, growing up who came from blended families. After this week in class and the readings from our textbook, I have gained new insights and a slight understanding for the challenges and complexities that divorced and blended families experience. In a divorced situation (and death of a spouse) there is part of the family that may get lost. That parent's parents may still want to be grandparents to the children and be apart of their lives. However the parent may want to move on. Things like dating bring in challenges as well. The parent may cling to the child and not want to date. However if the parent does date and eventually remarry, you are starting a whole new family system and quite complex at that! Think about it, you have the late spouse's parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, the living parent's family, and then the step-parent's family as well. Relationship bonds are strains and conflicts may arrive. It is a very sensitive situation. Lets think about all the past history that one brings into the picture, from both parties. The children's grief and emotions. A power struggle between the couple. And then there is disciplining techniques, and who has the right to discipline who's children.

I really have come to empathize with divorced and blended families. I can not imagine just how real these challenges are. I have great respect for men and women that are capable of coming into to families and being able to fill maybe a hole that was missing. It is not their responsibility, but they fill that role out of love. I know that all families can find and create happiness together. After all that is what Heavenly Father wants for all of us.

Parenting

The objective of parenting to protect and prepare a child to survive and thrive. In my class we were asked why it is that young people are doing the parenting, rather than the typical experienced white haired grandmother. She knows what to do and how to handle children. She has experience and is less likely to mess up, right? How could a couple at 24 and 25 years old possibly know how to raise and parent children? Here are some things that we discussed. First, as young biological parents they have a natural intuition for the needs of their children, as well as a deep love of them being their own. We all know that children have quite a lot of energy, and they need parents that can play alongside them hour after hour, day after day. There are certain physical abilities that young parents have that benefit the relationship between the parent and the child. Next, the world is ever changing. If we leave parenting to the elderly, how will they understand the difficulties and struggles that young ones are faced with. Biological parents will be able to relate better with the children, and have similar experiences. Ultimately, parenting is a learning and growing process. It helps adults develop themselves more and shape their lives as they learn to care and love their children.

There are needs that each child needs.  Contact and belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. They need to feel each of these things in their lives, and relationship with with their parents. They will more than likely act in a completely different way, but we need to be conscious that these basic needs, must be met. It seems to me that the initial response for misbehavior is anger consisting in yelling and punishing. However, if we can seek for understanding in a calm and collected manner, the parent and child will be able to learn and grow together.

I am not yet a parent, but I imagine that it is not the easiest task nor responsibility in this life. But it is worth it! Think of the blessing that your parents are to you. The great influences that they have had on you. I know that we are placed in the families and homes that we are a part of, for a reason. I know that we can learn from our parents' examples, and continue what is good, and make changes to things that can be improves upon in parenting skills. Family is such a blessing!!