Preparing for Marriage

Have you ever just wanted or imagined that maybe "the one" just might get dropped off on your doorstep one, and BAM! you have a spouse. Marriage is a serious and exciting step in one's life.  However I believe that we have a few misconceptions on how the relationship between a man and woman requires development and progress as a couple beforehand. We have to meet people, put ourselves out there, and be wise in the decisions that we make as we find our spouse. You might hear this called "dating", or an even older term "courting". That is the process and journey that we go through as we get to know others on a more personal level, with the ultimate goal of marrying.

In my class we discussed how in our modern day there is more just hanging out in groups, rather than dating. This is taking away the important step of getting to know another person. Often times we desire to get off easy with a date such as a movie. I am not saying that moving watching is prohibited, however, is it the best way to get to know someone. There are three requirements to a date. Planned, paired off and paid for. Planned suggested that there is a schedule of sorts for the time set aside and spent together. Women prefer to know, or be informed, beforehand, of what to expect during the date. This will allow her to dress appropriately for the date. Paired off means that there is a boy that is expected to spend the evening with a girl. The two are responsible for the other during the extent of the date. They are to take care of the other and make sure that they are enjoying their time, with the attention focused specifically on the other. Paid for suggests that costs and resources for the date are taken care of and provided for.

As we make these three requirements part of dates, we will be able to learn more about the other individual and the relationship will grow. Several dates are preferable in getting to know someone. A strong relationship requires more than what the world has taught u is sufficient; appearance. In a marriage there is a need for deep bonds, trust, sacrifice, care, intimacy, communication, friendship, love and so much more. These things do not come overnight, but with time. Just as one looks for someone, we ourselves need to be progressing as individuals and acquiring characteristics that will positively contribute to a marriage.

I recently spoke to my father and he shared some thoughts of his already seven married children. HE said, "Each of them are happy and successful. They were individuals that prepared themselves for marriage and were then able to find a wonderful spouse. They are happy." I believe that is the desire of every parent, that they can see that their children find someone that they are genuinely happy with. Speaking of what I have been told, and experiences of others, marriage is a wonderful thing. After all it was designed by God.  Let us each prepare ourselves for this important decision, and be courageous in the dating process.

Same Sex Attraction

As a young girl, I often heard stories of the child-hood of my parents and their fun, youthful adventures. The things that they would do are a little bit different than what we do today. But, I loved listening to stories, and even the stories my grandparents would share with their perspective of what happened with the same stories.....it's funny how things can be twisted depending on who is speaking. With story telling, came comparing the two time periods. I can remember thinking to myself at times, "Just forget already, times change, things are different now." That lovely teenager of me. But at other times I remember pondering on the differences and the drastic changes that have taken place, and wondering, "how did that happen so fast?" One of those topics was of same sex attraction and marriage as it became acceptable in our society. When my parents were teenagers, this topic was almost unspeakable. It was shameful to be attracted to your same gender, and quite frankly, looked down upon. That is quite the contrast from what we face today.

I strongly believe that God, our loving Heavenly Father designed marriage to be between a man and a woman. In the world today, we see many circumstances of same sex attraction. In my class this week we discussed this topic with videos and articles. One topic that intrigued me was of receiving help to take steps in a healing process, to change and better understand why one feels attracted to his or her own gender. In the video that we saw, men expressed that they were able to receive that help, and are now attracted to women. When they were first feeling those same gender attractions, they didn't understand. They said that they we not born "gay". I find it incredible that there are resources for help and aid, if one so desires. We can indeed change our desires. Studies show that helping to improve and strengthen relationships in one's life, is a huge step in process. I know that God has ordained the family to built and founded with a mother and a father present. As we loose this, and stray from it, we are loosing the family.

Other studies have shown that possible contributing factors to same sex attraction are wounded gender identity, bullying, father hunger, mother confusion, inappropriate touch and pornography.
Each of us is a beloved son or daughter of Heavenly Father. We have infinite worth in his eyes. And he loves each of us. Men and women with same gender attraction are no less than heterosexuals. We must remember that they are children of God. Be sensitive to them and do not belittle.

I know that God has a plan for us. I know that he loves us, and understands our needs, after all we are His children.

This last week in class, we learned about and discussed the topic of culture. Culture varies in every part of the world, and even within the same given country. Normally when I think of culture things such as Asia or Polynesia come to my mind. Places where there are maybe more obvious sides to that specific culture. However, each country, race, gender, and family has his or her own culture. Your family has a culture! Think about it. It may be in the traditions that you share, or in the way you treat others and the values that you have. These things are passed down generation to generation, and as we continue learning and growing, the culture evolves. It is incredible!

Often times we associate a certain culture with socioeconomic status as well. On the amount of money that one has, the image and behaviors that they carry, the way that they speak, education and even the location in which they live. I feel that more often than not, we form these labels mentally and we struggle to get over the fact that we are all children of God. We differentiate ourselves. Culture will always be a part of life. We cannot get rid of it. However, we can change it for the better. We can all evaluate ourselves, maybe even our families, and begin there. Are we passing on good values and culture onto to our posterity so that they have blessed lives? We choose what we pass on.

I hope that we can reflect on the differences in culture that we see around us, but that we can also find joy in those differences. We all have divine potential. We choose who we become, and what we will pass on for future generations.

This last week as been quite interesting. I have learned more about what is called systems theory. A system includes various part, for example in a family you have a mother, father, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles and so forth. Each individual plays and important and significant role. To analyze the family system, it must be observed as a whole, rather than just by its individual parts. Each member effects the others.Within a certain system there may exist what is called subsystems. This may be a mother and a daughter who work together o maintain the system of the family which includes a father who is not supportive. Each one of us are par of a system, whether it be the family, or a class in school, at work, or in church. We all are part of a system and we effect one another.

The exchange theory is often thought of as "you owe me one." We want to give less than we receive in a relationship. Or we always expect something of equal or greater value in return. For example, if I offer a ride to a roommate to the grocery store one week, I might expect that she takes me the following week, in order to pay me back for what I gave her in the first place.

The symbolic interaction theory states that for every action, or experience there is a symbolic meaning behind it that normally stems from both parties past experiences. For example, if I enter my roommate's bedroom and sit by her side, for me that might mean that I want to talk and share something with her. However she might be annoyed and not receive it in the way that I hope she does. I feel that our lives and relationships are full of symbolic interactions. As I have gone through my week, I have observed more of this theory. It's kind of fun!

The conflict theory states that in any system or relationship, each party has differences, or rather their likes and dislikes are different, their preferences and opinions are all unique. This results in the both parties influencing each other, and conflict may arise.

This week has helped me to see the different ways in week we act and influence each other. It has helped me to understand different aspects of relationships, whether they be within the family, with a friend, co-worker or neighbor. Learning is fun! Especially as I am able to see it and apply it in my life.

Has any one else been under the impression that we were one day going to be over populated? Well I was, that’s for sure. And to be honest my eyes have been opened this week. We have been discussing and viewing professional studies on demographics around the world. Around the time of the baby boomers, the generation born just after World War II, predictions were made that the world was going to over populate and that we would eventually come to the point of not having enough resources to take care of that many people. Well we learned a few things. So when we talk about birth rate that refers to the number of births per thousand people in a population in a year. When I talk about fertility rate, that refers to the average number of children born over the lifetime of the average woman. While yes, there was an increase in the birth rate during the baby boom, there was as well advancements in the medical field to keep the elderly alive longer. As time went on, the world and its views changed. Dramatically. And especially on the family. The standard of the “traditional family” diminished. Ultimately the fertility rate decreased and is continuing to decrease. Right now, the baby boomers are the elderly people. And there are fewer young people to care and work for in order to provide for the elderly. If the fertility rate stays above, 2.13 the population is replaced. However, if it goes below 2.13, population decreases. The United States is currently the only country still above, and just barely, 2.13 as the replacement rate. The value and importance of the family has drastically changed. Many think that just having one child is too much. Or that it is too much of a hassle. I personally come from a rather large family. I am one of eleven. I am not telling you that each person needs to have 12 children. But, I do believe and know that the family is the most important unit of society. Bringing to this earth, more children is part of the eternal plan, of God the Father. We have a responsibility to nuture and raise children. A spiritual privilege, calling, responsibility and blessing. Having children is vital. And as it is a personal and marital decision, I invite all to ponder on the importance of family, and what that means to you. What happiness has your family brought you? Or what changes can you make so that your posterity has a brighter future? I know that the family is ordained of God. I know it. And I love my family!

More Insights!

Here are other classmates' blogs. Feel free to check those out as well and learn more!

trentwinn.blogspot.com

rebeccarosecarter.blogspot.com

elephantsfavoritefood.blogspot.com    

insighttothefamily.blogspot.com

nathanblumenberg.blogspot.com

firmfamilies.blogspot.com

ravenhands.wordpress.com

soglaohana.blogspot.com

marissalanaeparks.blogspot.com

ytszkiu.blogspot.com

mmariaht.blogspot.com

cmblakely.blogspot.com/

Sammie19blog.weebly.com

https://sydneypiper.wordpress.com/

https://lifestooshorttomatchyoursocks.wordpress.com/

https://thoughtsofachilddevelopmentmajor.blogspot.com/

http://ashley12judy.blogspot.com/

http://whatgodhathjoinedtogether.blogspot.com/

http://fromthehearttohome.blogspot.com/

http://familymatters.blogspot.com

marsbrasga.blogspot.com

https://jordannewalker.wordpress.com/

cayleybarton.blogspot.com

www.3N513.Weebly.com

kiamd.blogspot.com

http://theohanastudies.blogspot.com/

http://karenxlozano.blogspot.com

http://momentscreatememories.blogspot.com

http://kahangturangpamilya.blogspot.com

http://mirandamortensen.blogspot.com

www.nonoblerwork.wordpress.com

https://ktbzn.wordpress.com/

http://familyistheanchor.blogspot.com/

laceyturpin.wordpress.com

melissalovesfamily.blogspot.com

happinessthroughfamilies.blogspot.com

mccallsreasons.blogspot.com

www.raquelvillafuerte.wordpress.com

mmariaht.blogspot.com

rebeccarosecarter.blogspot.com

http://familylearnin.blogspot.com

theboatyblog.blogspot.com

ethansfamily2015.blogspot.com

keytoeternalhappiness.wordpress.com

loooveathome.wordpress.com

devreeslife.blogspot.com

About Me

I am Kaylee Kellogg from California. I am currently a student at Brigham Young University - Idaho. I am majoring in Marriage and Family Studies. This blog is for one of my classes and I will be posting and sharing insights and personal applications of the material in the class. I look forward to being able to share the things that I am learning and to be able to make it more personal in my life.
I love my family! I am the tenth child of eleven. We love each other and work together to help each other often. It is a joy to be with them.